So it begins, the year 2016. I'm starting fresh again and this time it will be the last time. My goal is to lose at least 100 pounds during the next 360 days.

Yesterday, the first day of this new year, I visited my ex, an encounter that I've been dreading for so long. He has asked me to come over several times, but I've always declined by using these little white lies. I used to have such strong feelings for this person and those feelings are still there, but he broke my trust and I still haven't gotten over it. He wanted me to stay there for a night, but I just left after an hour and I know that pissed him off. I also know that he noticed that I've gained a lot of weight and I tried to say that I'm not comfortable with myself, so I can't let other people touch me either, but he didn't get it. I don't know why I still keep him around, mentally I mean. I just can't let go.

I shouldn't have visited him, because now he is all I can think about. But it surely helps me to get this diet started, because I can't eat. When we were dating few years back, I actually lost somewhere around 60 pounds, because he got my head so fucked up I just stopped eating for months and exercised like crazy. It wasn't healthy and of course I gained it all back, but still I was happy the way I looked when it ended.

I'm weighing myself tomorrow morning when I get back home. Please wish me luck with this, I really need it.